Mandate Of Arrogance
by Dave "Doctor" Gonzo

November 4, 2004 -- LAS VEGAS (apj.us) -- Jaws were dropping across our nation as former Texas governor George W. Bush stood behind a podium before the assembled press and channeled his inner self-entitled, obnoxious, snotty frat boy side this morning at a news conference following his second successful election theft.

Bush the Lesser preened and gloated like the Deke brother of old -- the one upon which the character Bluto Blutarsky in the comedy masterpiece "Animal House" is heavily rumored in large part to have been based -- but with the affable veneer stripped away.

The Doc thinks it was intentional -- after all, for all their talk of redemption and forgiveness, nothing pleases most American Evangelical Bible-beaters more than watching one of their own, "knowing" that he's right and anyone else who hasn't been baptized in Falwell-Robertson-Dobson Kool-Aid is not only wrong and damned but in their minds rightfully ripe for hatred.

First, Junior dutifully read the carefully prepared text that Karl Röve had crafted for his insipid victory dance. Here are the key spin points:

"I will reach out to every one who shares our goals." Translation: "I will show no mercy to anyone -- that means YOU TOO, Lincoln Chaffee, you unloyal little sh!t -- I said, to anyone who isn't with My program of transferring wealth to the rich with so-called tax cuts, Social Security piratization, turning the nation's intelligence agencies into 'filters' for selective facts that will justify the use of advanced weapons systems, politicizing the federal bench with the worst kind of judicial extremists, and opposition to anyone who blocks having the entire apparatus of the federal government evangelized to dear, sweet Jaaaay-zus! Halle-friggin-luyah!"

"We'll stay strong and resolute." Translation: "We don't care about facts. Doctrine rules. Besides, it's easier than thinkin'."

"I've got the will of the people at my back." Translation: "Go Cheney yourself, Democrats. I've got a mandate."

Mandate?

What mandate, you egomaniacal little chucklehead?

Let me quote a few choice facts, courtesy of the very erudite Chris Bowers over at mydd.com:

ONE: As of 2:44 PM Vegas Standard Time, according to CNN.com, a total of 56,142,999 have voted AGAINST you. That is the largest number of people to have ever voted AGAINST a president in history.

TWO: You "won," if it is in fact to be believed that you won, with 51% of the popular vote. If that percentage were, say, 61%, even I could understand the claim that you have a mandate. Chris Bowers is right, you self-important chucklehead: "1% more than 50% is not a mandate but a bare, thin, majority."

And not much of one, at that.

THREE: Before September 11th, 2001, your F-score was in the mid-forty percent range. You were losing the support and trust of your own party. Then, after my home city was attacked by a gang of Saudi mass murderers, your F-score hovered around 80%. Bowers pointed out that two years ago the pundits practically guaranteed you'd win by a landslide. Now, only half of the people in this country who bother to get out and vote support you.

FOURTH: Again, I quote Bowers -- "A president who leads a divided country owes it to all Americans to lead fairly or have his party face the consequences beginning in 2006. No one else is here to blame."

Chris Bowers' blog, by the way, is one of The Doc's favorites. He's as smart as Betty Bowers is hilarious.

But I digress...

This condescending cretin who styles himself a "pop'lur wartime Preznit" replied to very first query from a reporter, "I'm gunna start enforcing the one-question rule. That was three questions."

Slick move, Chimpacabra.

It sounded like the sort of lame joke that he and Röve probably cooked up before his so-called press conference, but his delivery was dripping with contempt thicker than Virgil's BBQ Rib Sauce and nastier-tasting than a warm Lone Star.

Heck, it's no secret that this phony "president" hates the press. He hates answering questions. Accountability is anathema to Mr. Bush, a son of privilege who tipped his deck and showed us what we can expect for the next four years: a haughty, narcissistic, insufferably boorish little man whose song and dance may play in Sugarland -- but is an embarrassment to the entire nation.

He would've served his own interests better by ducking the press conference -- an art he has honed over the last forty-five months -- and keeping a sock in it.

'Nuff said.